Friday, October 15, 2010

To Tame a Lion

The days of people reading this blog are now long over. This record is now for me to use just as a way to talk and share without the reprisals of advice. Growing up I was a lion. There was nothing I could or would not do. I rock climbed, wake boarded water skied, snow boarded, body surfed, paint balled, air soft, played hard sports, had long hair, never shaved,and most defiantly never ever fell in love. Over the last four years life has taken me many places I never thought to go... I lived in china not only learning one but almost two languages. While I was there my wild nature wasn't accepted but shunned. I had to grow up and care for others more than myself. It was while I was there that I offered up my first prayer to help me prepare one day to have the ability to think about marriage without disdain. It was at this time that she changed her life and joined the church. When I went back to school and actually prayed for the strength to make female friends without wanting to kill them it was then that she came into my life. In the early days I lacked the heart to pursue her properly and my roommate jumped on the occasion. I hated it and I wanted so badly to be better than my feeling but I now had unlocked my heart and there was no escaping the ache when I saw them together in my own house. I left for Utah to see my family I went around with another crowd. I just couldn't escape I was her friend for whatever reason and she wanted me around. At least she wasn't as those in high school who never even liked my company... The longer she wanted to talk of him the more I wanted to leave... I once again calloused my heart passed feelings. I even told her that we would never date.
When they were finally done and he left I was the only one left. It hurt to know that she never liked me first and when we did start dating I had to actually beg. I hated it but I had made up my mind and I was slowly being tamed. It was hard to hear about her other boy friends. They had shared things that we could never while dating and I had to compete with them. Girls will never understand that. I got more and more hooked into the idea of us and after the summer was over I loved her. Man oh man I had no idea what the fall would bring. Mono for a month... a cyst on my sensitive parts... poison oak my old Nemesis once again struck and now she wont talk to me anymore. I know she loves me but she does get angry. We can no longer talk about intimacy things but she can with her other guy friends. It wouldn't bother me but for the fact that we cannot. She spends a lot of time with others guys and when a young girls introduces her family to me at random she gets angry. I never know what to do. I spent all night at work thinking of how dumb I am for letting my guard down but then I remember the way she makes me feel. The feeling is only getting stronger and stronger. I am addicted to her but I spend much time doubting if she could ever feel the same way. She has loved before. What could make me so special. I am trying to have faith and I know she is willing and wanting to spend all her time with me. I have demons in this regard. I have given everything to her and yet she needs more. She needs friends to talk to and I always feel so small that I can't be there for her. I hate myself for weakness and I just try to put on a good face and take one step at a time. I feel like I am in a cage and at the moment I don't have another to occupy it with me. She lives just far enough where she is out of my reach all but one day and the longer she this far the more I fear.
She does love me and it was more than fate that brought us together. I was saved for her and she for me but it is very hard to see it at times when she is doubting me and I also doubt myself. Faith in her and that this is the right thing keeps me going when all else fail.
Man do I need a real friend... hahahaha.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

This is something I am working on in English class.

Education True Meaning

What makes me an individual, what will set me apart from the rest of my peers, what will enable me to progress and find prosperity in this life? The answer to these questions is education. It is only through learning profound truths that one gains power and expertise enough to face all the challenges of life with a smile. When I am asked what will my education do for me I say exactly that, my education will give me the knowledge in what joy is and how to find it. Life is about becoming a well rounded individual being able to always find the good in wherever you are. Education particularly and education obtained at a University will greatly help you on your road of finding things not just worth dieing for but truly living for.
Getting an education at a university to me means options. I have never wanted to live a closed up life where I cannot make any of my own life changing decisions. I hate putting the rains into other peoples hands. Studying at a university also allows you to find out a small portion of who you are and what you are naturally excel in. Before attending this university I was under the impression that my math skills were well below par. Throughout middle and high school a struggled in this subject and no amount of tutoring could help. I remember hating math class and wishing to never see another number as long as I lived. After starting a university math course I found that I was not only capable of doing the work but that I was also quite good at it. My whole perspective on what a can and cannot do has changed because of the way knowledge was presented to me on a university level. I still cannot say I enjoy math but I can say that I am very good at thinking out the equations and finding their applications.
Having options and finding knowledge now applicable in day to day life has made me a better individual. Knowing that through hard work and some natural skill I can not only get through school but find gainful employment in the future. Growing up I had a number of odd jobs and none of which paid more that minimum wage. After one day of washing pans at a bakery I worked at I came home to find my dad smiling at me. He asked me how my day went and why I was so tired. Then I remember vividly him saying, “you know this is why we go to college son.” It donned on me then that I hated working hard and not getting a lot of money for it. I have never loved money but I do love my time and if I have to work I might as well make as much money as possible and studying at a university opens more doors to a better paying future.
Having a university education is not just about making money it is also about appreciated the world and people around us. I am a man of faith and studying at this particular institution of Brigham Young University Idaho has truly expounded this fact to me that the more education you get the more you appreciate living on this planet. When I read the Book of Mormon I see a huge contrast in the way the people of Nephi live in comparison to their sister nation of Lamanites. The Nephites enjoyed making things and creating works of art while the Lamanites only loved the practice of war. The first people to truly listen to the message of Ammon and Aaron were the more educated kings. The kings were able to appreciate what the missionaries were saying because they had been taught to think and to question the world around them. I found this a major theme while on my mission to Hong Kong. In the intercity it was always those or the more educated class that listened to the message of the gospel with an open mind. Those that were less educated usually but not always disregarded what the we would say because they could not see how another culture could help their lives for the better.
I never want to live a dull and mundane life. Being here at a university has given me great insights on what some of my future goals in life should be. I have always been good at rock climbing and I would love to travel the world doing it but since my attendance at this university I have changed my mind set greatly. No longer do I always want to climb mountains but I want to expand my horizons and see the great works of art in the Sistine Chapel. I have never really had a gift in music or I have yet to find anything in music that I am good at but I do enjoy listening to the master pieces where as in my youth I would rather bash my head into a wall. Education allows us to see a more colorful world around us. It gives us the knowledge that we really do not know everything and that it is ok. That there is always something new to try and accomplish all the days of our life.
I have to be honest in saying that the university education has truly helped to broadened my horizons but with that said I now have no idea what I specifically want to do in the future. I intend to continue my education at least in tell I am able to graduate with a Masters Degree. I would really like to leave an impact on those around me as well and know that I am living a life with purpose. I have a huge fear of wasting time and since my young adolescence I have always coined the phrase “you can sleep when your dead.” I am fairly sure this phrase explains that a really want to be successful in whatever field of profession I chose.
I have always wanted to know what makes one successful in anything and I have found this constant theme. Those that are successful never stop learning how to become better. I hope that I have learned enough lessons in self humility to know my lack of omnipotence because if I have to eat another piece of the humble pie I will explode. I hope to always have the ability to set goals and make plans to meet them because anyone with an imagination can dream but its those rare individuals that can make plans to accomplish their dreams that get everything done. I don’t want to grow up and look back on life and see the glass half full with all the “if onlyies” that never got done. I know that life is not forever but it is long enough to make most of my dreams come true. Only after one semester of university study gave me the wisdom to choose and serve a full time mission. It was on my mission I learned I could learn not just one but two very foreign languages and that I could learn to love a people so very, very different from my own. I intend to learn everything I can about everything that interests me and then some things that do not interest me just to say that I tried.
I have learned the most in life by throwing myself into a subject and absorbing as much of it as possible. I was never very good at getting used to the water before I jumped in and this is the same approach I take in my learning. I have the firm belief that if you want to learn you cannot fear the subject at hand. If I would have continue in my fear of math I would never have received an A in math here last semester. As Winston Churchill stated, “the only thing to fear is fear itself.” From past experience I have also learned some restraint in this learning method. I have to many times burned myself out of a subject because I fascinated over it for far to long a time. I feel that one needs the wisdom to see the importance and application of the knowledge he is learning. I have learned a lot about Star Wars but I also understand that his knowledge might not be the most useful in my future employment but I also have not closed my mind to the idea of working with the Star Wars franchise in the future.
I will become an educated individual by continuing in my worship and following precepts taught in this church. We are taught to become as the Lord who is Omnipotent. Even after eons and eons of time after I leave mortality I will still have a long road ahead of me to reach this lofty goal of perfection but there is no better time than the present.
I once heard that the purpose of life was to find something worth dieing for. For a long time I agreed with this principle in tell it donned on me that dieing was easy. Well once after one believes in an afterlife dieing becomes a little more bearable a thought. I have decided however that the purpose of life is finding something worth living for. Something that will get me out of my bead on those days where the head cold will not leave and I feel like dieing instead of going to work for another ten hour shift. Getting a University education help me to put life back into a personal perspective. I plan on living more than just a few more years and I need to prepare for all those rainy days where I wished the world would just stop for me. The knowledge that I am qualified at a University level will comfort me greatly when self doubts arise. Graduating with a college diploma is a big deal and something to do the right way. I have heard many wise men say that there are far to many people who spend so much money and do not work in getting a good education. To me this is an oxymoron, it seems very uneducated to spend money on something that will not be a treasured investment because a University education is just that an investment. After you are done here you will need to keep adding upon this investment in tell one day in a very long time you will have learned everything. After you learn everything it is then you know that your mission has always been to help those around you learn and with your perfect knowledge you will finally be able to truly teach and help those around you.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Bucket List Week

Amelia here - Nathan's friend
Ok...so I have this bucket list. It is vast and intended to last my entire life...or so I thought. Within this last week (the first week back from school), with the help of Nathan and his enthusiastic roommates (Chris squared), I have accomplished three of my tasks at hand. The tasks may seem miniscule, but they were grand in their accomplishment...at least to me. First, I got to ride on a motorcycle! I know...21 and had never been on a motorcycle. But the age is besides the point. The task was accomplished. We set out to ride...at night...and it was awesome. We went on a random road...we're in Rexburg mind you...and went super speedy. I was nervous at first, but came to understand the appeal of these machines known as motorcycles. Next. Second task was to catch a fish. I have been fishing various times in my life, but I was never successful in actually accomplishing a catch. Big Chris set up the line and we were set. I sat with the fishing pole anticipating a long wait. Within minutes the fish were biting and I snagged one! It was unreal. Haha pathetic I know...I had been anticipating this for quite sometime. Then when Big Chris took the fish off of the hook I had to hold it. That was the worst. It was alive, slimy and trying to breath...creepy. But just the same...I caught a fish! Task number three. I learned how to repel at camp when I was 11. I had gone once in my life and the wall was maybe 15 feet, but I was 11 so it was gnarly. I had dreamed that one day I could accomplish a repel from a higher height. Today this task was accomplished. Nathan and Chris squared took me out to this bridge...I'm not sure how high it was...60 ft? But anywho we walked out on this bridge...on the girders...and took the plunge. I think sitting on the bridge freaked me out the most. Then as I was hiking up the hill I encountered a deer...it was dead...in half...and decomposing. But needless to say we had an adventure and my bucket list is shorter.

Monday, April 19, 2010

that is so much hair THATS SO MUCH HAIR HAIR


My Religion Professor on the last day of class made me get a hair cut. Well it was either a zero on the final or get a hair cut therefore I got a hair cut. In the hour he gave me I raced and found some willing friends to help and man there are few things that really "sugar my cookies" but cops (patrolmen in specific) and hair cuts always make me furious. We recorded it this time for posterity sake. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQsoptTBdzE

Chris please don't kill a deer